"Here Comes the Lonely-Single-Person"

I think weddings are kind of sad.  I went to one last weekend, and it left me horribly depressed.  All that joy and romance, and here I am.  More single than the day I was born.  

I kid!  I kid!  Well, not really.  I'm still very, very single.  And weddings do make me a little jealous.  But why they make me sad is a little deeper than that.  

I guess it's that a wedding is a time for a person to move on with their life.  They are starting a completely new adventure, doing something great!  And here I am, just sittin' around doing nothing.  I have a slight addiction to change and adventure, so having been in the same life stage for four whole years is starting to irk me a bit.  I wanna get married!  No, not really.  I just wanna move somewhere else, and marriage is certainly one means of doing so.  

Another reason weddings make me sad, is that everyone gets so happy and you see all these friends you haven't seen in ages, and it's nostalgia city, and then bam you have to go home back to your boring little apartment.  Weddings make me feel lonely!  Why can't we do weddings like they used to, with a week long feast?  We could even hand out puppies like in that Bridesmaids movie!  

Oh, and then, every time I go to a wedding, there are all these good-looking guys, and they are all taken.  Seriously, why can't any of these men wait until they meet my marvelous self before making their choice?  You should never get married until you're at least 36, because you never know who else might be out there.  Unless you're marrying me, then you can get a head start.