Teacher Terrors

So I've decided to become an elementary teacher. Like, legit - I've changed my major and everything, it's done. And I'm excited about it. For the first time in my entire life I'm actually psyched about my career path. It's great.
Sometimes though, I have my "not-so-sure-about-this" moments. These mostly occur in my Introduction to Teaching class. This class is supposedly designed to provide us with an overview of the profession and of what we need to know to complete our teaching training. Really though, the class is designed to scare the s*** out of us.
According to my teacher, by the time we finish our first year we will have been sued, had to tackle a violent child, been shot at, had to report several instances of child abuse, been sued, and have received our first pink slip (i.e. been fired). Other things I've learned so far in my first semester is that, as teachers, we shall be expected to simultaneously teach every single subject known to man to every possible learning style (i.e. "yes that child with Downs Syndrome is going to pass this nationally standardized physics test"). We will also be required to work every concession stand of every sports event, stay four hours after school every day to tutor struggling readers, drive home the kids whom their parents forgot, make coffee everyday for all the veteran teachers, and covertly monitor our students' Facebook pages for bullying activities.
If you think the moment of joy received from hearing students read their first book is worth all this trouble, then you are crazy. Fortunately, I've never had complete command of my logical faculties.