As I'm sure most of you have noticed (if you live in the Southern United States, at least), it is Spring. And as I know you all know, after Spring comes summer, the biggest beach season of the year. All across the country (especially in those peripheral states) boys and girls are starting to think about sprucing up their tans for spring break and summer vacation. After all, who would want to be seen by the opposite sex looking like a corpse (even if a very good-looking corpse, in a bikini)?
However, I would like to propose to my caucasian friends out there that this is a complete waste of your time. God made white people white for a reason. To be white. I myself have long given up on tanning and accepted my Anglo genetic heritage.
For many years I fought against my genetic disposition. I would fret about how pale my legs were, how hairy-I mean- pasty my belly was. No matter what I tried, I could not get a tan. Sure, I would darken a little, but definitely not enough to match the exotic beauties displayed on the covers of health and fashion magazines. Then one day I realized that being white is kind of awesome. I can totally close my eyes and pretend to be some kind of celtic queen. I now have an advantage over all those other white gals flocking desperately to the tanning beds. I have achieved what they have not - comfort with my own skin. You know, even those pimples aren't too bad. I mean, I'm a young adult handling a significant amount of stress. These things are bound to happen. Oh well.
So now I petition you - give up! Accept yourself as who you really are! As the old prayer goes - "Lord, if you can't make me thin, please make my friends fat." Wait, I don't think that's the quote I'm looking for...
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