It's A Small World

It seems that a lot of political-type people are worried about America's image these days. They worry about how the rest of the world sees us, that maybe we're too arrogant or imperialistic or whatever. Well I think it may be more appropriate for the rest of the world to worry about how we see them. After all, we are totally a super-power. So here is how America - or at least 1/310,000,000th of America - thinks it's goin' down.
Canada, we love you, we really do. Your sort of like an awkward, amusing cousin. I think it's all the "eh"s and the hockey, or something.
France, well we don't really like you very much. Sorry, but it's true. You're snotty and spoiled. (Really though, I think we're just jealous. I mean, come one, Pair-ee!)
Germany, you're sort of scary, actually. But you've come out pretty well in the 21st century. Of course I might be biased - land of me ancestors and all that jazz.
Australia! Oh my gosh, it's like California with a cool accent. Everyone wants to live in Australia. Hugh Jackman! Need I say more?
South and North Korea - grow up already! Ok, so you had a falling out, like 60 years ago. Get over it, and move on. Every time you look at each other the UN goes into a fit. The world needs a breather.
I could say the same about Israel and Palestine. Or the entire Middle East for that matter. We try so hard, we really do, but it's just a little intimidating to meet a Middle Eastern person these days. It's not like you've really worked on your image.
Cuba! - Fidel, he really has to go. Honestly, Communist dictatorship just isn't very appealing these days.
And of course China. Your like the kid in high school who we always had to beat. If she had one-sixteenth of a GPA higher, we stewed for days. Don't take it personal when we rant about "made in China" marked on everything. We're just a competitive. And fiercely patriotic. And yeah, a bit proud.
After all, you don't climb to the top of the world by sitting on your butt all day.